By Wally Standley

Harry and I were friends (not his real name).  When he wrecked his truck, he asked me to fix it.  Since I needed the money, I gave him a cheap price.  But that wasn’t good enough.  You see, Harry was a negotiator and felt he needed a cheaper price than I gave him.  At that point, I didn’t want to do the work, but I needed the money, so I gave in.  That’s always the way it goes with Harry!  

Before I finished the truck, another friend came to me and said I should require cash because Harry was planning on being difficult when it came time to collect.  So, it was no surprise when it came time to pick the truck up. He only had part cash and wrote a check for “most of the remainder”.  Harry decided he wanted me to add custom stripes on the lower valance, so I removed it from the vehicle and said I would add them.  Of course, the check bounced.  And I could never find him at home, and he didn’t answer his phone. After multiple attempts, I decided the price was cheap enough to not have to deal with Harry again. 

It took a while but eventually I was able to forgive him in my heart.  From time to time, over the years I would see the lower valance to that truck and mentally visualize a sign below it that said “$1100 friend”. 

25 years later Harry showed up wanting to “make it right”.  He gave me part of the money that he owed and wanted the lower valance.  I thanked him for the money and told him I had forgiven him years ago, but he wasn’t getting the valance without paying the whole amount.  A few weeks later he sent me the rest of the money and wanted me to ship him the valance.  I thanked him for the rest of the money, and said he could pick up his valance anytime he wanted.  

3 more years go by and Harry shows up again wanting to know what he can do to “make it better”.  We talked for maybe four hours, and the subject of forgiveness kept coming up. 

What is it about forgiveness that we as humans need so badly? Why is it so hard to accept forgiveness when we need it so much? Why does forgiveness, so many times, seem one sided?  

God forgave Adam and Eve in His heart the moment they sinned, He remembers that we are made of dust (frail), but that doesn’t pay the price for sin.  Since the price had to be death for the sinner in order to maintain a perfect universe, the only way for sinners to be reinstated is for God to pay the price for them.  This is the plan of salvation! 

When we keep trying to do something for God to make it better, we are saying that the forgiveness wasn’t complete without us paying. And if we really pay for our own sin, it means total and final destruction.  Restoration with God begins to happen when we accept His forgiveness and the price He paid for that restoration.  Only then can we start rebuilding the relationship. 

Eventually, Harry paid the price that he owed, but what he really wanted was restoration.  To be good friends takes time and doesn’t just automatically happen.  We need to spend time together to get to know each other better.  

When one of us wrongs another, whether perceived or real, a wall is built.  Even if forgiveness is there, the wall doesn’t just disappear.  We build walls for protection, and to tear down a wall we need to feel safe. The only way to feel safe with someone is to spend time with them and understand what is important to them and how they form opinions. 

I’m coming to the opinion that we humans are unable to tear down an internal wall.  We need God’s help to really accomplish it.  Once forgiveness is established, the process can begin.  I think it starts with building a door in the wall, and once in a while we can open the door a crack and peak through.  If that goes okay, eventually we can leave it unlocked.  Even with God’s help, this generally takes a lot of time.  Especially when we see or hear something on the other side that makes us want to slam the door and lock it again.  With God’s continued help, over time, both sides begin to realize the wall isn’t needed anymore.  Only then will the wall disappear. 

We can pray for God’s strength to enter us so that we can build a door, and have the strength to peak through that door, and eventually even leave the door open.  FORGIVENESS and RESTORATION is what we need from each other and what God wants for us.