What do you have?
By Wally Standley
This is a story that I got from a very close friend of mine who was there and witnessed this story unfolding. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Maranatha is a volunteer organization that does construction, remodel and clean-up type projects for churches and non-prophet organizations like Big Lake Youth Camp. The second week of September 2026, they were doing such a project at Big Lake.
Another key point in this story is that Big Lake is a valuable stop along the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT). It gives the hikers a place to shower, do laundry and rest up before continuing on the trail. It is well known among the hiking community as a place they can send a resupply box to themselves. A destination many hikers plan for.
One such hiker is a woman from Los Angeles. I will let her finish this blog by attaching her response to the Big Lake staff and the volunteers. You can see how God has led her and coordinated their meeting up. She has given permission to share her story.
From: DeChantel Kosmatka
Date: Sat, Sep 12, 2026 at 7:18 AM
Subject: What do you have?
To: Cathie
What Do You Have?
Piggybacking off Pastor Tom’s worship yesterday we read the story about Jesus feeding the five thousand and I’ve been thinking about what happened before that story. The disciples had just gotten back from traveling and teaching and healing ppl. They were exhausted. Jesus basically says ‘Let’s get out of here and get some rest.’ So they hop in a boat and head somewhere secluded, but when they get there, there are thousands of people waiting for them. The disciples were like ‘What’s up dude? You said we were going to rest.’ And they look around and everybody’s hungry. The disciples start looking at everything they DONT have. Not enough food, resources, not enough energy. Nothing! Jesus says ‘Give them something to eat.’ They’re all basically like ‘with what?’ Eventually they find 5 loaves and 2 fish. It’s a little boy’s lunch. Andrew brings the boy and his lunch to Jesus and says something along the lines of ‘Here’s what we’ve got, but what is this, among so many?
That question has been stuck in my head. What is this, among so many? Because sometimes that’s how life feels. You look around at everything that needs to be done. Everything you don’t have. Everything you can’t fix and then you look at what is actually in your hands and think really??? This? This is what I’ve got? 5 loaves and 2 fish!! Apparently that was enough to start with
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That’s kind of where my own story comes in because I didn’t plan to be here. I didn’t plan any of this. I’ve been hiking the PCT for months and I didn’t start because I had some great spiritual plan. My life just got really strange and really sad.
Last April I lost my father in law to suicide. That was totally unexpected, like most suicides.
Then my husband and I lost both of our fur babies within 32 days of each other last November. Anybody who has ever loved an animal knows they’re not ‘just an animal’ They were part of my life, my home. Part of how I moved through the world. Then suddenly, they were gone.
There were other things too. I’m turning 50 this December so there are questions about what comes next.
One day I was laying in bed, I had just finished eating a box of cereal (Bad no cook, I eat cereal) I’m laying there, heartbroken from losing my babies and I turned to my husband and said ‘I need to do something drastic or I’m going to die of a broken heart. I think I’m going to hike a few miles of the PCT.’ He said ‘Why do a few when you can do the whole thing?’ I was like ‘Okay’ So I bought a backpack, tent, sleeping bag and headed north. I walked. I kept walking. For months, since May 10th.
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There’s something about being on the trail that strips you down to a very basic level. Where’s the water? How much food do I have? Where am I sleeping tonight? How far can I walk before my plantar fasciitis says ‘Uh uh gurl. You need to sit.’
You spend a lot less time worrying about ALL the things cuz you’re too busy wondering if there’s a bear in the bushes, but you also can’t get away from yourself. You walk with your thoughts. You walk with your grief. You walk with your questions, eventually, you get tired. Really really tired.
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I didn’t originally plan to stop here, but I felt pulled here. I can’t really explain it better than that. I just had this feeling that I was supposed to come here. (I also sent a resupply box full of food here and completely forgot I had sent it, so maybe that was part of the pull too) I didn’t know why I was supposed to come here. Then almost immediately after I got here, the rain came and suddenly, I was in a place where I could stop. I could stay dry.
(Didn’t stay dry, 1st day work)
But I could stop. I could take my backpack off and the people here just welcomed me. Nobody knew me. I wasn’t part of the camp. I wasn’t with Maranatha. I showed up and people gave me what they had, food, kindness, community and because I felt so grateful, my first instinct was ‘What can I do?’
So I started doing outdoor work, cleaning cabins, helping wherever I could. I wouldn’t have connected any of this to that story about Jesus if Pastor Tom hadn’t read it yesterday. (Don’t own or read bible either) because I came here unknowingly needing something and ppl gave me what they had. Then I looked around and thought ‘Okay. What do I have? I have hands, I can clean a window, sweep, carry things, lightweight things (Nothing like Don/ hydraulics) I could give what I had and maybe that’s what I’ve been learning without realizing it. We spend so much time looking at what we don’t have. Maybe a better question is what DO you have?
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There’s a saying on the trail: ‘The trail provides.’ It sounds cheesy until you’ve been out there long enough to understand why ppl say it. Somehow, when you need something, it appears. You haven’t seen a human in 3 days and suddenly, someone shows up with a root beer and Tootsie Rolls!! Or a stranger gives you a 2 hr car ride to the Dentist to fix a crown. Hikers call that ‘the trail providing.’ I’ve been thinking about that too. Does the trail provide, Or is it people? God? Maybe God provides through people. Through timing. Circumstances we don’t understand. A rain that forces us to stop, a place you feel pulled toward even though you don’t know why.
I don’t know, but I do know that I arrived here tired and I was received and that matters.
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Pastor Tom also talked about surrendering. I’ve been thinking about that too cuz I don’t think I’m very good at surrendering. The trail has been teaching me that I don’t actually control very much. I can’t control the fires, the weather.
I can decide I’m going to sleep 20 mil up the trail unless my body is like ‘um, no we’re stopping here.’
But maybe surrender means more than just admitting I can’t control the weather or the fires. Maybe it means admitting that I can’t control whether my life makes sense yet, whether my grief has a purpose, if I’m going to be okay, if the next decision I make is the right one. I want certainty about ALL of that but maybe surrender means admitting I’m afraid I won’t get it.
Is surrendering learning to receive help without immediately trying to earn it back. That one is harder for me than I realize. When people here welcomed me, fed me my first instinct was immediately ‘what can I do in return?’ Helping is good, gratitude is good BUT maybe sometimes we have to let LOVE be a gift, not a transaction. We don’t have to earn our place, maybe we don’t have to prove we deserve to be welcomed, sometimes surrender is just admitting I need help, I need rest, I don’t have enough right now.
That’s not a failure of faith, maybe that’s where faith begins!!?
Because I keep coming back to that question, what is this, among so many? What do I have? What can I give? I spend a lot of time waiting until i have more before i offer anything. More money, time, energy and someday, I’ll finally become the person who has enough to help, to give, to matter. But does anybody ever really get there? Is that the point? The disciples didn’t have enough. The little boy didn’t have enough, but he had a lunch and he shared it. Someone else carried it forward and somehow it became enough. I like that, there’s less pressure in that.
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I came here needing something and I received it, rest, kindness, community and I got to give something back. Just what I had.
That’s what community is. People giving and receiving from each other.
I leave tomorrow, after breakfast, of course!! Getting back on the trail and heading north. I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know what the fires will do or what happens when I finish this trail.
I think I have to let go of the idea that uncertainty means I’m lost and trust the next step.
I want to thank all of you all for reminding me that sometimes you show up somewhere because you need help and sometimes being allowed to help is part of what you needed too. I’ll carry this place and all of you with me and the idea that sometimes what we think is ‘the trail providing’ is actually ppl just showing up for each other.
Thank you
DeChantel Helen Kosmatka